I’m sorry to do this to you all, but after spending the last twenty minutes or so playing a rather snazzy little minigolf game that, as ever, Rock Paper Shotgun sent me to, I’ve decided to ruin your days by telling you about my favourite internet timewasters. These are games of potent arcane power that tamper with the laws of physics; play one for what you think is five minutes and in fact you’ll lose half an hour, maybe a whole one if it’s a good’un.
Before the good stuff though, a quick word on Wonderputt. It’s about as polished as an online game can get, with glossy menus and mellow music, but the mad scientists behind these next two timewasters would mock its poxy attempts to warp the space-time continuum. It doesn’t hold you in, but these ones certainly do.
Little Master Cricket is ludicrously simple but very good fun, even if the physics are a bit wonky, what with the stumps falling over of their own accord and the ball occasionally bouncing back towards the bowler, but it’s eaten away at my time like a katamari in a clock shop. Move the mouse to swing the bat, and try to score as many runs as you can. That’s all there is to it, and that’s all there needs to be to it.
The other game is GIRP, which is far more complex. The goal is to climb a cliff face by grasping at rungs. Each is marked with a letter; hold that button on your keyboard and the little guy’s nearest available limb will reach out. The spacebar makes him pull upwards. You’ll need a real grasp of GIRP‘s physics before things start to come together, as well as some dexterous hands to hold the right keys at the right moment. Once you get going, though, it’s very difficult to resist the momentum of climbing and the challenge of reaching the top. I’ve never managed it – I’ve seen the cliff top about 75 metres up, but the last jump is an absolute fiend that may well be impossible as an annoying joke on the developers part. They must be laughing their heads off.
If you have anything planned for the next little while, don’t click these links. I accept no responsibility for your lost time, patience or sense of self worth.